Letters to nowhere

Make a promise to you, break a promise to me

‘Baby I can’t say where I’ll be in a year.’

The saddest thing… being unable to give what you have. Say you had a surplus of something, anything – cornflakes. Yes, I have so many cornflakes I don’t know what to do! So you’d think I’d give them away yes? That’s the only logical option isn’t it? Then just as you find the nearest being who could possibly use cornflakes for good or bad you realize something. Something that should have donned on you before, but of course didn’t. Why? I don’t know call it natural irony. But you cannot give up these cornflakes, you cannot give away a single crispy crunchy one. Because something much larger than you has said ‘so it mote be.’

I’m sorry I can’t give you night skiing at Horseshoe Valley, or snowtubing down Snow Valley’s hills. I regret that I cannot show you fresh green fields with patches of milkweeds springing up all waving gently under a breeze of lilacs in the spring. I apologize that I cannot gift wrap those trips to Ottawa back in high school in a truck that I prayed would make it the whole way. Days of driving fast out of boredom, sitting on the highway staring at the planes abandoning the airport. Searching the desert with 180 degrees of canopy, looking out at iridescent moons after variegated skies. So many useless days and sleepless nights. And all the other things I ever took for granted…

If you were there I could have lent you my scarf – that’s why I keep two, for special occasions. If you were there, the breeze would have been that much sweeter. Had you been there I wouldn’t have fallen asleep and driven into a ditch outside of Nepean. And if you had only been there.. all the things we could have done, said, been.
But now is present and given the chance to change a thing I wouldn’t because I couldn’t appreciate you without it all.

‘wanna know the rest? Hey – buy the rights.’

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About yolandalenin

I talk a lot. ______________________________________________________________________ I write even more.
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