You know what, I don’t say thank you enough. I know it’s bad manners and all but.. I still forget sometimes. So I’m going to make a point of it right here and now. Okay.. if you have been a part of my life thus far in anyway.. from telling me my shoelace is untied to calming my nervous soul with cool blue eyes – I thank you. I sincerely do. Okay.. maybe I’m reaching a turning point in my life.. of sorts, but I’m starting to see how important other people are. Maybe it’s the enviroment, maybe it’s age. I don’t know.. been listening to Rod Stewert lately – maybe too much? But, although it’s a fact everyone must die alone, it’s also a fact that we can’t live alone. As much as I used to.. and well still kindof hate that.. argh.. being dependant kills me.
But tonight.. I Had a moment of clear thought, just a revelation as I was sitting outside a bar. Trying to decipher the usual Chinglish.
And, I was just so thankful.
Okay, maybe it was for attention – cause Lord knows I like that stuff. But, I think it was the realization that someone was taking the time and effort to translate to me using limited vocabulary they’re absolute, original, and true feelings over a past relationship I had. And okay, he could have given me a simple answer, he could have even just fallen into using cliches. But no. Some how, through some zany powers, he thought I was worthwhile enough to think through… and take about 15 minutes to explain exactly how he felt in my language. Obviously this is worthy of applause. But, normaly I don’t even notice these things. I say ‘yaya’ drink some more and change the subject. Tonight – I thought about it. And given the words he said were worth hearing.. but I guess I’m more amazed at the feat – how to translate emotions. hrmph. I can’t do that.
Maybe I never will, it’s a talent I relate to that of a shapeshifter.. heheh.. you know like the dude in Mortal Combat IV, ya the dude in the yellow pants who could change into any other player of you stomped on enough buttons in the correct order. That was pretty cool. heheh. But.. wow. Hats off. Seriously.. no puns no play on words.. no silliness this time (NO FOOLIN’!) Hats off to you, everyone of you.
You know what.. this is a one time deal.. even if I don’t know you and you are reading this – I THANK YOU. I just want you to know at this point I’m not drunk.. in fact I only had one full beer and.. maybe a half of the other.. and I really don’t like beer but.. I did it for you people. Y? because I like you. I was thinking in Prague one day walking down a street in a bit of a haze of mixed memories. My vision of heaven is and always has been – somewhere off in the distance you will be reunited with everyone you knew in your life on earth.
You know, like your best friend in grade 2, or that really cute college guy named Paul you met in highschool who totally changed your perspective on things. The people you worked with at crap jobs making minimum wage but enjoyed it most of the time because you were in their company (Jesse, Sandy, Al, James, Tom, etc.. you know). Ohhhhh or the man (who you knew before he was a man) who got you to stop dying your hair random colours simply by telling you ‘you’re beautiful the way you are.’ Wow.. huge thanks to Mike (still love you). All those strangers who impart their pains, struggles, dreams, hopes, and experience to you in a drunken composure. Exs and 4H peers, strangers and family, elderly and less experienced, the clumsy and the kind. I’ve met a lot of great people, far more than any I would consider ‘bad’.
And if nothing else, I give you this Blog entry to let you know – hey I did notice. And I appreciate your heart. By heart I mean collectively – caring, kindness, help, safety, stability, encouragement, faith, hopes, and little bit of luck thrown in there. Hey all that stuff comes from somewhere, and I couldn’t do it alone. Just in case I don’t get that chance, incase.. maybe. there’s some small.. fraction of a minute particle of chance that my heaven isn’t there waiting for me. I need to let people know now. It’s a bit long.. but not long enough, I don’t mean to forget anyone.. but there’s so much to remember. It’s been 24 years (about) I’d need at least another 24 to recite everything as it was.
But man, I’ve slept on a lot of couches so I gotta say – THANK YOU FOR EVERYONE WHO HAS LET MY STINKY ASS SLEEP ON THEIR (or their parents) COUCH. You are so awesome! Wish you all the best *tip of the ole hat to ya* And if you get a chance, stop in on my heaven.. I promise a host bar .. oh yea.. if you want Red moons, cosmos, Cherry Beer, Blue Lagoons, or even my original ‘Christmas’ – we’re servin’ em up .. 24/7. Why? Cause in heaven there aint’ not clocks. Work of the devil time is.
with warm regards in your direction,
Thank you Jackson