Before I started this whole crazy travelling thing… somewhere between Toronto and Mexico… or Toronto and Praha (Prague) … I had a dream, it can be summed up in a single phrase I’ve remembered since then (whenever it was).
"One day the sky opened up before me"
An absolutely amazing sight, no matter how you picture it yourself individually… you’ll find, just trying to comprehend that notion… just.. unfathomable.
The entirity, the possibilities, the total void of limitlessness is… indefinable. I awoke, awestruck, and realized it’s true.
In the infinite madness that is space and time, I.. you… all things possess the knowledge/power/ability to, in a sense, own the sky.
<After all, there’s enough to share, I don’t see why not!>
It’s something I forget on occasion, but it came back again last night.
The sky has lost some of it’s lustre that’s true.. but it’s still mine. And I can still do as I please – and I do.
However, I have this fantastic ability; I always manage to leap before looking (carefully). Hahah it’s great actually, for some people it comes naturally but I had to learn it and I certainly don’t want to lose this skill – BUT there is a downside.
The sky has no road. In this boundless mass I’ve chosen to call home.. there is no home hahah. Funny slight of hand on me, I suppose. In entering what I thought was the one and only place for me to be (in a metaphorical sense) I now know there is no distinct path. There are no signs, no lights (nor need for them? it’s the sky right it makes it’s own light), no landmarks, no maps, and no direction.
The last one is what gets me.
I don’t need maps, I’ll make my own. I don’t need time, I make my own. I don’t need a home, I can take comfort anywhere.
When I make a decision to do something or go somewhere – it’s done. No need for questions from you people (it seems to me like asking permission), I ask the questions and find the necessary answers. Everything has been thoroughly reviewed before I make a decision, you can trust me on this – sometimes it takes years.
Direction… is something you can not feign.
I need a compass. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this feeling of.. not knowing which way is up. I don’t want lull around in that. I think when I feel like that I’m only wasting time. MY time. As said previously, I make my own time.. so why would I waste something I worked so hard to make? I don’t.. well I should say I don’t want to.. but the sad truth is I do.
Right now I am wasting time, awaiting my next orders. Come on, drop me a note.. what’s the deal. Last time it only took me a month to put things in motion (Czech Republic), I thought it got easier with age? Give me a reason.
Yolanda – no purpose nothing.
I hate that as my title, though at the moment it’s standing. *sigh* I will not resign to this. I am not retired and I don’t give up.. so give me my new enterprise.
Though I usually write these as empty messages with no target in particular.. this time, there is a reason.
argh.. I’m so lazy hehehe.. why do I have to make up all my own reasons? Maybe that’s the problem, I prefer being given reasons. But the trouble is, I don’t do things for me. I don’t care one way or the other. But I do feel a complusion for.. ugh some sort of servitude (thought not in an S&M way, you sickos) in my life? To balance my own pompusness/pomposity/blaring confidence?
*hahah blaring confidence, brilliant.. I’m so clever.
And so comes the dare..
To anyone who reads this (and I’ll be amazed if anyone does) (hrm.. side note, maybe I should put it on facebook if I actually want an audience)..
to anyone, who was gracious enough to read this, I dare YOU to give me a mission. Come on, I’m looking for a challenge. China has become to easy – obviously. I’m just lazing about now. I mean something difficult, like finding the exact position for a superior sniper on Red Square (Moscow), or something as simple as a 2 inch by 3inch piece of a pyramid. I fig from the Yucatan.. come on.. I want a challenge..something genuinely difficult. Something that could keep me busy for over a year. Say 5 years? If you know me you should know how difficult that is. Hehehe I can’t think of anything I’ve done for more than 5 years.. cept maybe driving. I do enjoy that.. haha maybe I should be a trucker afterall.
Anyway.. challenges challenges, this is assign Yolanda a task time.
I’m like your own personal Macgyver who works (tentatively) for free.
You name it, I’ll review it, deliberate, and once I find a challenge worthy of me – it will be done.
It’s that easy.
** Insert obligatory hugs and honorable mentions here**