Adventures with Turkey and my ass

Ahhhhh… thank god for clumsy, careless, forgetful, people with absolutely NO sense of direction. LOL

Today was another astounding day wandering around in the world of ‘Turkey’. This guy.. I swear to you I have no idea how he has managed to live this long. We ventured out for some xian type noodles quite far from home – so we took the bike. All the way he complained that he was hungry, so hungry, need to eat now. ‘So go faster and we’ll get there faster!’ I said. … what does he do? Stopped at some store halfway to our destination to buy … guess… nope.. Watermelon seeds and dried banana chips. ‘I’m so hungry, u want?’ he asked me, ‘ARGH I thought we were going to eat noodles?’ I said, ‘oh ya right. Hop on!’ And off we went to the Xian place, and it was pretty good. Hahaha.. and confused the woman when we paid seperately, him: ‘of course I will not pay for her!’ LOL subtle..

Leaving that place on the bicycle, on a fairly busy road in the centre of town he decided to take off his glasses to clean them on his shirt. THis is when I realized – HE BADLY NEEDS HIS GLASSES. And we narrowly missed hitting a parked taxi.

We miraculously made it home alive and hahah with me laughing for the better part of the trip. I was amazed, he almost hit 4 parked cars and one moving one lol pulling out of a lane .. hahah because .. hahahh he was looking back at me saying ‘haha, bye Yolanda I’m leaving you here’ .. His wheel hits a car.. oh sorry.. ahahha.. apologizing to the car LOL. and I caught up to him and jumped on again.

My favourite part of this was his explanation as to WHY he hits things hahah.. or doesn’t mind if he does. We were on Wuhu lu (Wuhu is my favourite city in China btw.. for no known reason) and he was heading straight for a lamp post. So I pointed this out to him ‘you know you’re going to run into that pole?!’

‘what? oh that I’m going there’

me: hahahhah ‘Don’t hit it you stupid!’

him: maybe that’s my talent, you know. Hitting things with my car.. I mean bicycle’

me: that’s an interesting talent, doesn’t seem very useful.

him: It can’t hurt me, hurt my bike but things can’t hurt me.

?? how many things have you hit? and what do you mean you don’t get hurt?

I forget what things but I jump off.

HAahahahhaahha me: dude, that’s a pretty dumb skill – hitting things with your bicycle.. especially things that don’t move. What’s hard about that?? U just look stupid.

In China there is a saying that the most wisest man acts like stupid man, so he is wise.

me: ya that makes a lot of sense.. so man who hits things with bicycle is actually the best driver?’

him: absolutely

HAHAHAHHAHAHHhahah Asian logic.. love it.

Want some more Asian logic? Here’s a good one I just learned. We were walking up stairs (we live on the 7th floor so there’s quite a few stairs to climb). And around the 4th floor he yelled ‘WOW’ .. I turned back to look at him ‘what?’

Turkey: YOUR ASS

me: *looking around confused* what about it??

him: it’s so HUGE!

me:… umm .. thanks… u know that’s not really a compliment where I come from right?

him: it’s SO huge!

me: okay stop.. is that a good thing or bad thing?

him: Your ass is SO UN SEXY

grrrrrrrr…. *so I held my bag behind me to try and cover my ass. He offered to let me carry the laundry soap bag he had cause it was a bigger and my bag was too small to cover my huge ass. 😦 thanks a lot, jackass

But it’s not all bad.. here comes the logic part…

We went to the grocery story, Carrefour. On the escalator he remarked on my ass again. And I said shut up, just because Asian people haven’t got any doesn’t mean mine isn’t beautiful! I like it very much. He said: ‘Actually, in China there is a saying that women with big asses can give birth to boys.’

HAHAHAHHH me: what you mean ‘CAN?’ anyone CAN.. it just depends on genes and chromosones NOT ass size, you ass!

him: no no it’s true, if you have a big ass you’ll have a boy.

*rolling my eyes, thinking.. why are there female black babies then? No offense meant but.. there are some characteristic shapes to different races and it’s not a bad thing but I want to point out that his theory is majorly FLAWED!*

me: well maybe I don’t want a boy? Then what?

him: then you should lose that ass

LOL ..’ How about I lose this ass who keeps following me around all day making fun of me! And my beautiful ass. JERK!’

The shit I put up with! hahahahhahahahha

I talk to the big gay bastard while he’s at work when I’m bored, I mentioned that my ass has bruises today from riding on the back of the bicycle yesterday.

his reply? ‘of course it has bruises it’s too big for the bike! Your ass is huge!’ .. grrrrrrrrrrr…… Shut up!

K, this is so unbelievably bastardly I have to write this crap down or I Wouldn’t believe it nor would other people.. ha THEN he has the nerve to say:

XX says: (3:26:52 PM)
you are good at giving birth baby

now heheh you can manipulate that sentence with punctuation and maybe make it say ‘you are good at giving birth, baby’ or maybe ‘you are good, at giving. birth baby’ But anyway, the point is NO I’M NOT ARGHHHH and how would u know!??? YOU’RE GAY so shut up about babies!! ARGH and Stop looking at my ass, you must like it/admire it hahah if you talk about it this much.

At any rate I find that harsh criticism is easier to take from someone who hasn’t mastered the language yet.

I really wish it wasn’t bruised though.. ouch. I look like a beat up laowai (foriegner) heheh I’ve got bruises healing on my knees from kicking my luggage around the train station. And a bruise on one thigh from my cell phone in my pocket when I was skateboarding. And now ass bruises from his gay ass bike! ARGH. I’m going to try and shower the pain away.

Take care, and love your ass no matter what size it is. No matter what gay men might tell you, what do they know? They’re gay. They have no taste hahahah πŸ˜›

Advertisements

About yolandalenin

I talk a lot. ______________________________________________________________________ I write even more.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s