last night, I dreamt of… well a lot of Chinese stuff. I woke up with a Chinese song stuck in my head (I don’t know the name.. I can hum it with some rough consonant sounds for you?).
I wondered around the house eating toast with creamed honey on it.. thinking ‘what’s up with the China vibe I have today??’ … it was like I just left.
It wasn’t til I was halfway to work (on my precious black Dutch-style bike.. oh how I love you) that it hit me. Today is the one year mark. Yes, one year ago I woke up in my bed.. in my crappy basement.. hopefully the spiders hadn’t found me yet (they always seem a bit confused when I sleep somewhere else for a night or week)… and I thought ‘okay, where to begin?’
… A year later, I feel obligated to weigh my progress and… it’s never pretty. I will say, I’ve fared slightly better than what I would consider “bad”. But.. I .. well even when I search for the ideal.. I honestly don’t know what I would consider “good” or a success here. The thought.. or thoughts.. leave me with a confused look on my face and little reason to smile. Because my watch fills the empty space with a loud and emotionless ‘tick tick tick’.
Anyway, in a futile attempt to make myself feel better.. in some.. quantifiable way (because I find qualitative far to elusive to fully prove to myself “yes, you’re fine” or “yes, this is the right way” … ha.. cause qualitative cannot give you tangible answers like that of binary code) … let’s just measure ourselves with money, shall we?
Isn’t that how everyone else does it? And I have sneaking suspicion it’s the reason money continues to exist.
According to the Canadian Debt Clock; “Every man, woman and child in Canada currently owes $16,866.37” that’s their share of Canada’s debt. Luckily, if you’re a transgender… I guess you get off scot-free? Hrm…
Well, that makes me feel better…. I (as of yet.. shh.. keep your fingers crossed) have not received any notices for this debt. 🙂 Which begs the question: would I feel even better if I were at transvestite? I didn’t see even a possibility of debt listed for them… oh, I wouldn’t go so far as to actually have an operation done.. then I’d incur debt. But, you should know I’ve always had a thing for monocles, waistcoats and even *giggle* cummerbunds (mostly cause of the name hahahha)(how did they get that name? hehehehhehe.. I often write it ‘cumberbund’ .. as in, it was first used to hold your cucumbers as you bent over to pick them in the cucumber patch).
Oh and top hats.. I’ve always felt that hats look better on men.. well not the ones with flowers, veils, or fake birds (or together – weird) but the really distinguished ones.. just.. don’t look right on a girl. Unless she draws on a curly moustache with her eyeliner pencil.
Oh wait, stop the presses.. I do like this look, Mae West in a very nice ensemble. …
*sigh* I even fail at being a tranny…preferring to dress in fancy dresses.. I can see why transvestites do it. There’s more variety in the female wardrobe.
…oh well, here’s to next year! *
*may not be an actual photo of writer… also may not have proper permission to use photo .. but hey, we’ll see if she complains. Then I’ll unlink the photo.. which I rather like. I especially like to think that that’s a tattoo on her finger. And if it’s not.. I may steal that idea.. hrm…