… why don’t you?
Today I took on The Fruit Cellar.
I don’t know about your fruit cellar, but ours is a veritable arachnid emporium. I’m not exactly finished but I certainly made some headway. Unfortunately it was 4 hours in before I thought ‘wow, I’ve done a lot of work wait til they see… oh but I never let people see it before cause it was so scary.. should have taken before & after photos *shrug*’ So.. I can’t prove it to you.. you’ll just have to take my word.
I did learn one thing, spiders possess courage.
Spiders are actually as varied as human beings. But much less respected … incidently I lost count of how many I slayed today… but I hope they’re all dead. Sorry, sorry.. I guess that didn’t sound very ‘live and let live’ of me … but they’re so creepy!
I was petrified of every eight-legged enemy who crossed my path or.. I crossed his/hers. However, the feeling was not mutual. Yes, some ran from the battered old broom lunging and hammering at them by turns. Some where caught unaware, or perhaps playing dead. But there were at least 5 who .. wanted a piece of my broom. That really scared me.
Roll footage of Yolanda battling spiders:
“AH! oh.. another one” *BAM* (smashes the broom on the cement floor in the spider’s general direction approximately 4 feet in front me).
“EEE!!!!” I missed .. and to my surprised he has no reared up on his hind legs and is goading my broom bristles, most probably with fangs bared.
Yolanda pauses. In awe she forgets how afraid of this 5cm (1.9″ measuring ‘toe to toe’ ) foe she was a second ago.
“are you.. actually.. GOD THAT’S SCARY! AH!” *SMASH BANG BANG CRUNCH WHACK* .. multiple strikes of the broom, even after 2 direct hits his forelegs still jab at it’s bristled assailant.
… end of clip.
That one scared the crap out of me.
Another one had a plan. Seriously, over the afternoon of me being in this pit of decay and crawlies, the spiders (a few it seems) developed strategies of attack. I kid you not.
One seemed to be on to the fact that, the broom was not their attacker but actually a tool or weapon being operated to assassinate, ergo, if he could get to the other side of the weapon he maybe able to end the killing spree.
While sweeping up crud on the floor (possibly his leftovers) he jumped on the broom – above the bristle bit, and tried to climb up. SHRIEK!
Dialogue of encounter:
Spider man (not actual man.. but I assume a male of the spider species.. though we could debate, which gender is more courageous in which secotor of the animal kingdom?) is quoted as saying “You are not welcome here! You murderous wretch! *chomp chomp*” (approximate English translation).
Yolanda: “EKExASKJiLWGHFzz! NO! You can’t live here! You’re too ugly! AND YOU BITE!”
Luckily, I had a study dustpan within reach. He hadn’t factored that in.
And finally, I’d like to end with some advice to those of you facing your own battles. Watch your back, and front.. and top and bottom .. and shoes.. and pant legs and sleeves and.. tie your hair up to prevent false alarms.
What’s that, you want one last story before bedtime? The other two weren’t soothing enough for you?
Okay fine, I think I’ve saved the scariest (if it was in fact orchestrated) for last.
I thought I had them all. I looked around, having swept the ceiling and shelves til I no longer heard that sound so similar to the popping of soap bubbles – spider woven fabric being ravished.
When what do I see? Up top in the corner of a shelf where I just murdered.. I mean laid to rest 3 infidels, a spider gyrating vigorously in his web, vaguely resembling a hammock.
Yolanda: “WHAT?! … argh you hold still!”
As I leaned in closer (still 3 ft from target) .. trying to get a clean shot between a jar with mysterious contents, the arm of the shelf, and the ceiling.. I heard a noise behind me.
Something.. or someone fell from a high distance on to a plastic container making a resonating ping. You’re thinking ‘big deal – a little ping’. If that’s what you’re thinking you’re missing a vital observation to survival here. It may have been coincidence but… I do believe spiders are privy to the art of distraction.
Seriously, when I looked back the spider in the web who first attracted my attention had repositioned himself and nearly got away. It was around this time I became paranoid of every angle (remember, they can walk above you). With heart pounding and eyes darting in every direction. I left after catching.. I mean crushing that hammock dude.
I did not find out what caused the noise.
My final piece of advice to you: Only go in fruit cellars during the day and make sure they are well lit. Be sure to let someone know where you are going and how long you plan to be in there…and when to call for help.